He’ll never understand the capacity

To which i love him

But the sun is still happy

And minor wishes

Will still come true

But a wish is a wish

Grand and unexpectant

And a gift 

I did not wait for his ghost to depart within me

I pushed that motherfucker out

I refuse to wait for joy

You see

I have this love affair

With food

I seem to be

Forever hungry

My foreplay

Is waiting for the pasta to boil

Or cutting onions for quinoa

As i dance and frolick to the music 

Waiting for my food to come out with the sex appeal

of a porn star

And then i see it

Pasta

Pizza

Fried noodles

I tear up

“i love you too”

The aching is continual. I tremble because i know there are beauties unseen, and the world is forbidding me to see them.

No. Not now.

But i must see them. I must grasp onto them with my paws and hold them and get them to see that yes, I am beautiful too.

I’m the woman who deserves the strongest of loves. I am hard and soft all at once, and you will look at me in admiration, always thinking, “that woman, shes exquisite”. Because I am. I truly am. I am exquisite and lovable and worth it. I’m worth it, and fuck those men who’ve left me in their cold. they will never know what its like to love or hold a bad ass woman. A woman whose waters run deep and whose soul is a fruitful forest, alive and breathing.

A woman, despite the violations that have been put upon her body, still loves sex, and doesn’t let those memories destroy future pleasures. Because she will not let ghosts move her.

I will wear lipstick, because I’m not a victim. I will shave my legs, wear skirts and dresses and four inch heels because they make me feel sexy. I’ll dance by myself, and walk naked in my the shelter of my home. I’ll get fucked and I’ll love it, and I’ll fall in love, over and over.

Because I am not your fucking victim.

I’m lonelier than you

So I’ll crawl back

Because my diginity is rickety

Maybe it’s over rated anyways

I’m just terrified

Of the knife in the back

And the searing pains through the heart

I cannot take that

Again

The woman in me

Tells me to man up

Because you’re not the only man

Thats poked holes into me

I’ll be okay

I didn’t even love you

tina180:

I remember a man who never touched me. He would take me out sometimes, and he held my hand a few times.

He is both unimportant and monumental in my life. I remember his full name, but can’t even recall the colour of his eyes. I do not care for him, yet wonder how he is.

I still have some of his habits, like flipping the limes into my drinks, and ordering amsterdam blondes. I still sway to Ryan Adams.

Because of him I fell in love with Toronto, open mics, and live music. He showed me the lives pumping and brewing within a soul i’d never seen. Because of him i got a sense of the places that i wanted to be surrounded by.

He was the first man i woke up to. The sun would shine on in the late mornings, through the blindless windows, brightening his face, and shining on his bald head. And when he woke, I would be already up, and he would look at me, and smile. We would then dress, and he would walk me to the subway. He would be off to work then, and after, to see another woman.

No matter how much time passes, to me, it only feels like just last year I was holding him, and he left me, carrying his youth. My guitar picker and I, we were our own spectacle

All of this, and i can’t remember the colour of his eyes.

It always ends up being

Just for you

No man can love me like you

No man can love me at all

I deserve reasoning

I am owed explanations

I treated you unkindly

But you can see through me

I’ll never stop lovin’ you

It would be to always be brave. It would be that I think she’s gorgeous no matter what. I want her to understand that I am on her side no matter what. If a boy or a man doesn’t respect her or wishes/decisions, I want her to tell them to fuck off. 

I hope no man violates her, like they have to me. I hope she loves and appreciates her body but cares about her mind just as much. I hope her compassion for people expands, because i want to stand beside her in a protest one day when she is older.

I never want her to stop singing. I want her to put all of her problems on me. I want to help her, to guide her, to tell her shit sucks and it may never stop sucking, but that people love her, and love is the greatest power of all.

I never want her to give in to the temptations of hard drugs.

I want to tell her all of my stories one day, one day

Maybe because I see a bit of me in her.

Please

Don’t look for me

You won’t find me

I swear

I am hidden and free

Still

You love me